Mrs Lucy, Wait, WHAT?
by BitterSweetCrimson
Summary: Cana is sober, so she decides to tease Lucy by giving her the love fortune reading of the century. Now Lucy is forced to spend a day married to each of her many possible future husbands. LucyxEveryone. Contains language and irresponsible crack shipping.
1. It's All in the Cards

_A/N: So, this sort of idea has been done before, as it originates from Azumanga Daioh. The most noteabe fanfiction to use it so far, and the first one of this style that I read, is __The Fortune of Mrs Sakura__ by __**KalliopeStarmist**__. The reason I decided to borrow the idea (WITH FULL PERMISSION, THANK YOU VERY MUCH) for Fairy Tail is this: Fairy Tail fandom is seriously lacking in the crack department. As the self-proclaimed QUEEN OF CRACK, it is my new personal mission to change that._

_So, without further ado…_

_Disclaimer: Idea is Property of KallipeStarmist. Characters are property of Hiro Mashima… for now._

_Beta'd by the beautiful RoRo, my falafel friend._

**Mrs. Lucy—Wait, WHAT?**

**Chapter 1**

**It's All in the Cards**

Cana was not a happy mage at the moment. Her fist came down on the bar of Fairy Tail as her lips formed around the most repugnant inquiry she had ever conceived: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NO BEER?" She demanded.

Mirajane raised a delicate eyebrow at the pissed off woman sitting opposite the bar from her. "You drank it all. The beer. The wine. The sake. Everything." The beautiful barmaid and sometimes-gravure-model reminded her.

A vein began to pulse in Cana's forehead. How could Mirajane be so calm about this? This was a travesty of the worst kind! A disaster! The apocalypse! "But I'm almost sober!" She exclaimed. She hadn't been sober since she was thirteen, for god's sake. The hangover would kill her. She _must keep drinking._

"Well maybe it's time for a change of pace." Mirajane suggested in a placating manner.

Cana's anger did not subside. "You cannot be serious!" She accused. "When's the next shipment of beer arrive in this godforsaken place?"

Mirajane shrugged. "There's nothing else to do for it, Cana. There's not a single ounce of liquor left in the whole guild and the next shipment won't arrive until next month. You're just going to have to find something to entertain you until then since you've been banned from every other bar in Magnolia."

Feeling depressed, but still mainly pissed off, Cana spun atop her bar stool to face the rest of the guild at large. "Like what? What could possibly hold me over until there's more beer?" She asked with a groan, leaning back against the counter. Her eyes hopefully slid over Macao, but her heart was ripped out when she saw his new girlfriend walking over to him, waving. Cana sighed with self-pity. Did anybody have a more pathetic love life than her? She needed a beer to be able to stand this. Make it two.

"Why don't you try making friends with the new guild members? You've hardly spoken to Juvia or Gazille since their arrival. And Lucy's been here for about half a year, but you've never had a proper conversation with her. I'm sure you'd be good friends." Mirajane suggested, pointing out the people as she spoke of them.

Mirajane, Cana knew, had always been quite the meddler in the relationships of Fairy Tail, platonic and romantic alike. Cana decided to at least consider her suggestion, if only out of sheer boredom because, really, without drinking, what was she _supposed_ to do? Gazille was leaning against a wall, anti-social as ever, trying to ignore Jet and Droy talking to Levi even though it clearly bothered him. Juvia was lurking behind a pole, blushing as she observed one of Gray's daily strip sessions. No, no, those love-struck puppies wouldn't do. Their fledgling romances would only serve to depress her further.

With that, her eyes fell upon Lucy, who looked to be suffering at the hands of one of Natsu's taunts as he laughed and pointed boisterously at her. Lucy was somewhere between depressed and pissed off. Cana immediately sensed a kindred spirit. That, and a potential victim. Nothing cheered up the grouchy alcoholic quite like teasing. This was one of the main reasons she was a part of Fairy Tail. Teasing each other was their specialty (along with property damage and dragon slayer mages) and Lucy was one of the best people to tease of all time. Her reactions were always over the top. Even after months of being exposed to Natsu, she hadn't mellowed.

Watching Natsu gesticulate madly and do a sort of dance and the way Lucy's face flushed with rage and embarrassment, Cana wondered if something really _was_ going on between those two… She was, of course, running the pool in the guild on whether or not they were together. Odds were fifty to one, as it stood. The reporters from Weekly Sorcerer were all over it, too. Lucy and Natsu occasionally graced a Fairy Tail article in the gossip rag, speculating their relationship status. Luckily, neither Natsu nor Lucy were subscribed (Lucy could no longer afford it, and Natsu couldn't care less) and everybody decided it was for the best that they didn't know (even teasing had its limits and they drew the line at Lucy setting some stellar spirits on the magazine's headquarters).

Lucy appeared to concede defeat in the face of Natsu's jokes, beginning to ignore him and pout. Natsu only laughed more and collapsed onto the bench next to her, throwing his arm around her shoulder. Just then, Loki made his appearance, materializing out of thin air, dressed for battle. He glared at Natsu and removed said boys arm from around Lucy's shoulder, no doubt saying something about how she was _his woman_.

Suddenly, watching them, something occurred to Cana. It'd been awhile since she'd plotted such mischief but she really felt the idea possess her. "Mira?" She asked, absently reaching for her feather purse that held her cards and stroking its soft exterior like villains stroke their fluffy white cats.

"Hmm?" Mirajane answered, bemused as she too watched Natsu, Lucy, and Loki before Gray also appeared to make small talk with Loki and discreetly sit on Lucy's other side, a little closer to her than was really called for on the otherwise empty bench. Juvia was beginning to boil in the background.

"I've got an idea." Cana whispered. "And I think you'll like it."

The evil tone in Cana's voice finally caught Mirajane's attention. "What is it?" She asked pleasantly.

Cana smiled, pure evil sleeping between her teeth, and stood up, ignoring Mirajane's question; Cana had always prefered to explain by actions. Swinging her hips just for the hell of it, and possibly for Macao's benefit, she walked over to the table Lucy was sitting at. "Lucy!" She called, plastering a fake smile on her face.

Lucy turned around, sufficiently surprised to find the older girl calling out to her. "Cana?" She asked.

Cana grabbed Lucy's arm and began pulling her. "Let's go, you're coming with me."

Lucy slipped off the bench and allowed herself to be pulled without resistance. "Wh-what?" she asked, confused. She had no objections to going with Cana, who seemed perfectly normal when compared to her friends who had a habit of destroying property, taking on impossible challenges, and launching into battles without warning, but she remained confused. Cana wasn't exactly a part of their circle, being the longest standing Fairy Tail mage in the guild at the moment. In fact, Lucy was sort of flattered.

Loki pouted at the loss of entertainment and dematerialized, returning to the spirit world.

Natsu scowled after Cana and Lucy. "Where are they going?" He asked.

Gray shrugged.

"Gray, your clothes." Happy chirped.

Gray looked down at himself, finding his body naked aside from his boxers. "GAH!" He exclaimed. "When did this happen?" He demanded, searching around madly for his clothes.

Natsu laughed at him.

Meanwhile, Cana was dragging Lucy to the bar.

"What exactly are you going to do?" Mirajane asked happily, completely unfazed by the bloodthirsty look on Cana's face.

"Oh, Mira, this is going to be fun." Cana smiled like a wolf.

Lucy twitched and began to sweat. What had she gotten herself into? She didn't have a chance to ask. Cana had ducked the two of them under the bar, gabbed Mirajane with her other hand, and led them into the back room. It was typically used for storage, but there was a table and a few chairs as well, for whenever staff wished to take a load off and play a few rounds of poker.

Cana let go of them long enough to close the door behind her and lock it. "Sit yourselves down, ladies; we're gonna have ourselves a fortune telling."

Lucy was immensely relieved. It seemed Cana wasn't planning anything too dangerous that would, say, inflict bodily harm. She smiled at the older girl as she took her seat, suddenly craving friendship. She really wanted to have more female friends; Erza and Levi were great and all, but Natsu and Gray were so utterly male that she felt she was constantly swimming in their excess testosterone. "What kind of fortune telling?" She asked politely.

Cana smiled, sitting down on her chair backwards like a common brute. "A love fortune." She said, pulling a single card out of her purse and flicking in onto the empty table in front of Lucy. "Pick a card, any card." She said mockingly.

Lucy looked at the card suspiciously, but, in the end, decided to pick it up. It looked like a simple playing card: just a plain old ace of hearts, but Lucy could feel magic in it. "Err…" She began, not knowing what to say, when Cana swiped the card back and placed it on the table face down again.

"Good." Cana said. "Now, this little card has predicted all of your possible future husbands." She said, tapping the card which suddenly turned into a sizeable stack of cards. Cana surveyed the pile. "Seems like you're popular," she smirked. "Each of these represents one of your future husbands." She explained, patting the small deck.

"I don't get it." Lucy said, looking up to Mirajane for instruction but Mirajane was too busy ogling the stack of cards. Her meddling curiosity clearly showed on her face. She wanted to know, so bad, who Lucy would marry. Maybe she'd have her wedding at Fairy Tail! Oh, a Fairy Tail wedding! It sounded absolutely _wonderful_. And then _Fairy Tail babies!_

"Well, the cards are about to run a simulation of your future." Cana said simply, whilst the pile began to produce a soft red smoke as if it were partially on fire. "Mira and I will be with you the whole time, just in your mind, to watch after you and weigh in. Meanwhile, _you_ will be physically present in a possible one of your futures with one of your possible future husbands for twelve hours each until you run out of hubbies."

Lucy blushed. Her future husband…? Her mind couldn't even process it. Sure, she'd thought about boys before, but never about actually _marrying_ one. What did Cana's cards have in store for her? She knew plenty of boys, thanks to being a Fairy Tail mage, but… marrying one? She'd never even had a proper boyfriend!

She resigned herself to her fate though. She was, despite herself, desperately curious and excited. Besides, there was no way out of it now. This was all just a simulation, right? A novelist's heart wouldn't be swayed by games like these. She had _nothing_ to worry about. The smoke from the cards began to fill the room and she felt herself slipping into blackness.

"Inhale the smoke." Cana instructed Lucy and Mirajane as Lucy barely held onto the cusp of consciousness.

Lucy obeyed, breathing the smoke deep into her lungs, and felt, very strangely, like she was falling.

-End Chapter-

_A/N: Ahh, so short! Don't worry, future chapters will be longer. Also, Scrumdidileeumptious readers? Please don't kill me. I swear I'll update soon!_

_Pairing requests should be left in a review. Thanks for reading!_


	2. Mrs Natsu Dragneel

_**Reposted 4/11/11 with minor changes.**_

_A/N: Yeah, yeah, Lucy/Natsu is so canon it could set the Globe Theater on fire during a performance of Henry III, but that's beside the point (Obviously I've been paying too much attention in English…). Don't worry, next chapter, I declare death to all canon! Crack ahoy! But, for now, Lucy/Natsu FTW! Thanks for all the reviews!_

_Beta'd by the marvelous grapefruit master of ellipses, RoRo. Stop nagging me already. Lessthanthree you._

Key:

_Lucy's thoughts…_

_Cana's thoughts…_

**_Mirajane's thoughts…_**

_Disclaimer: Pssh. I WISH._

_Soundtrack: Read My Mind by The Killers_

**Mrs. Lucy—Wait, WHAT?**

**Chapter 2**

**Mrs. Natsu Dragneel**

* * *

_It's funny how you just break down,  
Waitin' on some sign.  
I pull up to the front of your driveway,  
With magic soakin' my spine._

…

_Slippin' in my faith until I fall,  
You never returned that call.  
Woman, open the door, don't let it sting,  
I wanna breathe that fire again._

_She said I don't mind, if you don't mind,  
'Cause I don't shine if you don't shine._

* * *

Lucy awoke feeling rather lightheaded but comfortable. She could feel, from the inside out, the familiar softness of her blankets, sheets, and mattress, and she knew that she was back in her 70,000J apartment. Only it smelled… a little different. Ah, whatever, probably just the laundry. Either way: thank _goodness_, it had all been a _dream_.

_You wish._ Cana's voice filtered through her mind.

_CANA?_ Lucy mentally exclaimed.

_Who else? This is my magic, after all._ Cana scoffed at her.

_B-b-but how?_ Lucy wondered. No way. Everything that she'd said back at the bar had been true? Now that she thought about it, Lucy realized she could feel a heavy, muscled arm thrown casually over her waist and could hear the soft snores of a man beside her. At this distance, she could feel his body heat on her face.

**_Can we worry about the logistics later? I want to see who you're married to!_** Mirajane's impatient voice joined the quickly developing disorder in Lucy's head.

Lucy decided to obey. It's not like any of this was real anyway, right? She turned on her side and was met by the sight of an all-too familiar male chest. She'd recognize that pectoral-nipple-combination-pack anywhere. _Of course,_ she thought sarcastically. _Natsu._

_Tch._ Cana made a noise of disapproval. _You're not even surprised?_

**_How could you tell it was Natsu?_** Mirajane asked.

_This isn't exactly the first time I've woken up in bed with him._ Lucy thought bitterly without hesitation, privately recalling all the times gone by when Natsu had humiliated her with his tomfoolery.

**_What?_**

_Well, he sort of enjoys breaking into my house and napping… or exercising… or trying on my clothes, going through my things, and sometimes he even takes a bath._

Lucy rolled her ankles and her shoulders from her position against Natsu's chest, slowly working out the stiffness of sleep. Her body felt leaner and tighter than it used to. She realized, as she stretched her legs, that she had lost weight. _How old am I in this reality, anyway?_

_The cards say you're eighteen. You and Natsu eloped a few months ago._ Cana informed her.

**_That's so romantic!_** Mirajane crooned. **_And less than eighteen months from now! I can't wait for this reality to come true!_**

Lucy rolled her eyes. _This reality is NEVER going to happen, _she grumbled mentally. She was so not buying into everybody's speculation of her and Natsu. They were not together and they never would be. They were just (close) friends, and it was going to stay that way. That is, until she felt the arm around her waist suddenly tighten. She glanced upwards through her lashes to see Natsu gazing down at her. His hair was still mussed from sleep, his eyes were bright and unfocused, his eyelids were at half-mast, and his gaze was intense, wanting, needing, and loving. Lucy's heart went into overdrive, naturally. The Natsu she knew had _never_ looked at her like that. Or had he, and she just hadn't seen it?

Mirajane, in Lucy's mind, was ecstatic. Cana was laughing uproariously.

Slowly, never breaking eye contact, Natsu moved to hover over her, supporting himself on his left arm, and cupped the side of his wife's face that was rapidly draining of all color. He leaned his forehead against hers and smiled, showing all his teeth and crinkling his eyes. "'Morning, Lucy!" He greeted happily, a gust of his warm breath lapping at her sensitive skin.

"…'Morning, Natsu…" Lucy muttered back. She began sitting up so that Natsu's spot in her bed wasn't quite so borderline sexual. Her mind was five miles behind her, still caught up on the thought of elopement. She's been raised a proper lady and all that. She believed in courting and proper suitors and couples matched in intelligence and social standing. She was a bookish former aristocrat. Natsu was an impulsive yankee.

Suddenly all thoughts along those lines fled her mind as she was abruptly tackled by a blue ball of fur. "Lucy!" Happy cheered, hugging her ample chest. Natsu took the distraction as an opportunity to slip out of bed and disappear into the bathroom for a quick shower.

Lucy was happy to have a minute without him; it would allow her brain a chance to catch up with her. As she pet Happy's head, she surveyed her apartment. She knew that even if she was different enough in the future to elope with Natsu, she wasn't different enough to accept living in his pigsty of a house, hence why they'd moved into her smaller but more conveniently located and much cleaner apartment.

It wasn't as clean as it used to be. A lot of Natsu's mementos had moved in with him. The ceiling and the walls were plastered with nothing but mission requests. Her old maid outfit peeked out from her closet. A picture of her and Natsu that she didn't remember posing for lay propped up on the bedside table. In it, she was tightly embracing an ecstatic looking Natsu while Happy hovered in the background and a rather formally dressed Erza and Gray held sparklers. Attached to the picture frame was a post-it that read, in Natsu's messy script, 'We're married!'

Lucy checked her left hand. She had a simple, cheap glittering gold wedding band that had a tiny etching of the Fairy Tail symbol. _How very Natsu._ She thought, rather endeared of the gesture. Maybe the flame-brain wasn't so bad. He was certainly a passionate and decently attractive individual. Surely not the worst option ever…

_Ohh, what's that in the air, Mira?_ Cana thought jokingly.

**_I do believe LOVE is in the air, Cana!_** Mirajane laughed.

Lucy made a gagging sound in response to them.

"What's up, Lucy?" Happy asked from her lap where she was currently scratching his ears. "Your color is weird." He commented, staring up at her face, which did indeed look a bit paler than usual. Maybe she was coming down with something…?

Lucy blushed but smiled all the same at the magical feline. "It's nothing, nothing is wrong." She said.

"Bathroom's all yours, Luce." Natsu said, emerging from the bathroom.

Lucy had barely begun to contemplate the intimate nickname when Natsu began to peel off the towel he'd wrapped himself in. Something about the way his hands moved over his angular, muscled stomach and the manner in which his fingers closed around the loose knot that was, at this point, the only thing holding up the flimsy white terrycloth that already hung sinfully low on his hips sent a flash of heat through Lucy. Her eyes hungrily traced a drop of water that ran down his abs only to evaporate off of Natsu's hot flesh before it could follow the definite dip that would lead to his… Needless to say, she dropped Happy and barricaded herself in the bathroom before he finished the task of stripping. She clutched frantically at her heart as she leaned against the door. _Was he always so attractive?_ She thought helplessly, unsure of why she was suddenly having inappropriate thoughts about the Dragon Slayer.

In her mind, all she could see was Natsu. She'd seen him shirtless plenty of times, considering he hardly ever _wore_ a proper shirt. And, thanks to Grey, it wasn't like she'd never seen a naked man before. But, despite all that, there was something different here: a tension that shouldn't exist. This was just a simulation, after all. She wasn't _actually_ married to Natsu. He wasn't _actually_ walking around her room in his birthday suit. She reasoned that her runaway heart was only due to the convincing nature of the simulation. Surely, that was the reason. It wasn't like they were a great deal older than their current ages. He looked the same. She looked the same. This could be today, in her reality.

"Calm down." She hissed, putting her hand over her thudding heart. After a few minutes, it obeyed. There was nothing to get so worked up about, she told herself. And in the quiet of her bathroom, away from her 'husband', it was easy to convince herself it was true. There was no _way_ she was attracted to him.

_Well, the cards picked him as your possible match, so you're definitely compatible. This simulation just brings your possible feelings to the surface._ Cana explained, thoroughly entertained by Lucy's whirlwind of emotions. This was the next best thing to booze.

Lucy couldn't believe it. She and Natsu were compatible? That's why the cards had picked him? She shook it off. Of course she _liked_ the guy. He was _Natsu_. She just wasn't _in love_ with him. Yeah, that was it. They were compatible, but just as _good friends._

**_Yeah, uh-huh, sure. _**Mirajane thought, unconvinced. **_Just admit you're head over heels already._**

Lucy chose to ignore that particular comment in favor of a quick shower. Mirajane was cute and funny and pretty, but she didn't know what she was talking about. Lucy knew her own heart: she didn't feel that way about Natsu. Shaking her head, she peeled off her clothes (a rather sexy set of silk summer pajamas) and stepped under the hot water.

Natsu's toiletries occupied the shower stall. His shampoo. His body wash. They stood side by side with hers, like they belonged there. She tried to hurry so she could escape them—it was like they were _staring_ at her—but there's only so fast a high-maintenance, high-class girl like Lucy could go in the shower. When she finally finished twenty minutes later (a new record!), she wrapped a towel around herself and began to brush her teeth. As she contemplated her reflection, she noticed that her currently damp hair had grown out, falling father down her back than it did in her reality.

Once finished, she boldly stepped out of her bathroom, completely forgetting Natsu was there and, as her husband, fully within his rights to ravage her. As she walked towards her dresser, stepping over the pair of abandoned sweats Natsu had peeled off earlier, Natsu emerged from the kitchen, dressed just as he always was in his typical vest and muffler. He froze when he saw her.

She froze when she saw him staring at her.

_Shit, I forgot we're married now._

_Oh? And how often have you walked around in front of him in your towel before now, hmm?_ Cana inquired.

… _Just a couple of times,_ Lucy answered vaguely. Just a couple_ hundred_ times, she amended privately.

Natsu recovered first, his grin lighting his face as if this were a daily occurrence (it was). Happy was nowhere to be seen and Lucy assumed he was either in the kitchen or outside for a morning flight. Regardless, Natsu strode towards her unimpeded. He seemed more like a predator than ever before and wasted no time in wrapping his arms around her and pulling her in for a kiss. A small kiss. A short kiss. The kind of kiss that ends the second you begin to melt into it.

The kind of kiss that left Lucy wanting, even though she didn't think she _should_ want him. She hadn't even had time to close her eyes, but, now that it was over, she wished she had. Could he do that again? She wanted to explore this odd sensation. So _this_ was what kissing was….

_You've never been kissed?_ Cana sweat dropped.

_I was raised in an ivory tower. Leave me alone. It's not like I'm completely innocent. I've… read novels and stuff…_ Lucy defended her female pride weakly. Underneath the low cut tops and confidence in her sex appeal, she was a prude through and through.

Natsu kissed her forehead next before embracing her, tucking her head under his chin. Then, as soon as the intimacy of the moment began to turn Lucy's knees into jelly, it was over. Natsu seized her hands and met her eyes. "C'mon, Luce, we've got a mission!" He cheered.

"At least let me put on some clothes first!" Lucy objected before he could drag her out the door, which he would have.

Natsu froze for a moment and considered, weighing the risk of being late and the risk of his wife bludgeoning him to death for pulling her out of the apartment in her towel. "Yeah, you better do that." He agreed, pushing her back towards the dresser. "Only I get to see you like this." He added, sending her body another appreciative glance.

Lucy decided not to think too deeply about _that_ statement and opened her drawer. Her wardrobe hadn't changed much. A few new tops and a few new skirts, which explained why she was thinner—she was starving herself to afford clothes again. And, under the new stuff: same old, same old. She gleefully picked out an outfit and was about to drop the towel and put it on when she caught a glimpse of pink out of the corner of her eye. Natsu was sitting on her… er, _their_ bed, watching her. Her face flooded with color for the umpteenth time that day. "Can you, y'know… turn around for a minute?"

Natsu put on a disgruntled, confused face. "Why?"

_Why, he asks. Damn it. Being married is hard._

Mirajane and Cana were too busy laughing at her to comment.

"It's… embarrassing." She answered.

Natsu grinned. "I don't get it."

_THEN DON'T GRIN LIKE THAT!_

"How about I _help_ you get dressed?" Natsu suggested, his voice suddenly dripping with innuendo as he rose from the bed.

Lucy was terrified of what she might have just gotten herself into. "I CAN DO IT MYSELF!" She snapped and, without further ado, dropped her towel and started yanking on her panties right in front of him purely out of frustration. Who cares? It wasn't real! She'd do as she pleased. It wasn't like she was changing in front of her Natsu. Wait… _her_ Natsu? Err… she meant… her _reality's_ Natsu. The Natsu _she_ knew.

She noticed, even as she was trying not to look at him, that his grin had disappeared. His hot stare burned into her body as he blatantly worshipped her with nothing but his eyes. "Jeez, Luce, you're beautiful." He appraised in a voice huskier than she'd ever heard it. The rough edge and deeper octave, paired with the small gust of fire that escaped from his lips with the compliment was, well, kind of sexy. The expression he wore was one she normally only saw it when he was fighting. It was just as intimidating, she realized, in the bedroom.

Lucy might have passed out right then and there from the heat of his possessive gaze, or at least had a nosebleed, if she hadn't been so focused on her bra clasp. "Don't be such an idiot." She said, a flustered tone leaking into her voice as she quickly finished with her bra and pulled on her skirt with lightning speed. Needless to say, her efforts to stop blushing failed miserably.

Natsu blinked and watched with what looked like awe as she arched her back in order to pull her shirt over her head. He felt his mouth go dry. He licked his lips. "How about a quickie?" He suggested, filled with the sudden desire to watch her take her clothes off rather then put them on.

Lucy's jaw dropped. Was Natsu suggesting…? Of course he was. She wasn't stupid. She knew what a quickie was. She'd just never… been invited to one before. Her whole reality shattered. Who was this playful, sexual, horny Natsu and where was the naïve dragon slayer she knew? "What?" She asked. She couldn't even picture what he was alluding to (thank god).

**_Oh, my._** All of Mirajane's previous amusement had vanished from her voice in the wake of her emerging gag reflex. Unlike Lucy, naughty images were floating through her mind and she was_ not_ pleased.

_Girl, as funny as this has all been, there are just some things I really don't want or need to see._ Cana said, feeling ill. She too knew exactly what Natsu was suggesting and the thought of it had her more nauseous that she'd ever been (and she'd experienced her fair share of hangovers).

"C'mon, just to get me through the day." Natsu said, moving to stand in front of Lucy in an instant. His voice, already drenched in sex appeal, took on a deeper register; it almost sounded like a growl. He placed his hands firmly on her hips and forcefully jerked them against his own. He then proceeded to move their bodies together in a way that was so feral and raw and naked that Lucy was sure it should be illegal. Every motion sent stabs of pleasure racing through her body. Heat began to coil in the pit of her stomach. She shouldn't. She couldn't. However, it was obvious that, at this point in their marriage, Natsu knew just what to touch, rub, and grind to turn her on.

Her increasingly hazy mind was busy deciding whether to pass out or punch him for his forwardness when he ground his hips particularly hard against hers. "Na—hmmm!" Her protest was cut off as his mouth landed on hers.

This wasn't anything like the tiny kiss he'd given her earlier. That had only been a taste. Now, taking full advantage of the fact that her mouth was already open, his tongue pushed inside, forcefully plundering the depths of her mouth. The pliant muscle stroked her tongue, then the back of her teeth, only to return to torture her tongue again. His hands trailed relentlessly up and down her sides; it felt like they were scorching her skin as they caressed her in all the right places. Despite his firm grip on her body she needed him to hold her tighter, she needed to press as close as possible to the overwhelming heat emanating from him, and even then it would not be close enough. She felt her eyes close as her body surrendered itself to sweet oblivion. Everything was hot, it was flames, it was fire.

"Natsu…" She whimpered when he began to kiss along her jaw, biting, nipping, sucking, and licking his way across her neck, leaving a trail of angry red marks in his wake. At this point, even she didn't know whether her cry was a plea for _more_ or _less_. Somehow, it didn't matter. Then, his hands began to lift her shirt as his mouth continued to trail slowly down her neck, his tongue laving torturous circles against her feverish skin as he went. Lucy let out an embarrassing loud moan as he bit down particularly hard on her collarbone. The sound cut through the fog of pleasure invading her brain, and through the haze of lust she could faintly feel Cana approaching mental illness and Mirajane screaming _lalalalalalalalala_. Lucy suddenly realized something had to give. She wouldn't allow herself to lose her virginity to Natsu, simulation or not, despite her body's apparent willingness. Forcing herself to ignore his mind-numbing kisses, she managed to choke out a gasp "Um, Natsu, don't we have to go? We're already late, aren't we?"

Natsu glanced at the clock over her shoulder and froze. "Erza's going to KILL US!" He yelled, grabbing her hand and scooping up her whip and keys as they dashed out the door and down the street towards Fairy Tail.

The guild was exactly the same: same building, same people, same Erza, beautiful as ever. "You're late." She accused when she saw the couple approaching at a run, still hand-in-hand. Behind her was a large wagon of luggage secured with rope.

Lucy and Natsu flinched under her glare.

"Yeah, well… Gray's naked." Natsu pointed out, just to take the focus off of him. There was only so much time he could suffer her glare before he melted beneath its ferocity.

Erza turned to look and, sure enough, Gray was naked. Gray noticed her look and glanced down at himself. "GAH! When did that happen?"

Lucy couldn't help laughing. This alternate reality wasn't so different after all. Aside from the pink haired dragon slayer husband that wanted to get in her pants, everything was exactly the same: completely comfortable. As Gray began hastily pulling on clothes again, Erza picked up the handle to her wagon and began walking in the direction of the train station. Lucy, Natsu, and Gray followed after her.

**_Aww, can't you at least go inside the guild and say hi to me? _**Mirajane whined in Lucy's head.

_You want me to go against Erza?_ Lucy asked.

… **_You're right. Never mind._**

Erza led the troop to a train station and at the sight of the steam engine waiting for them; Natsu's face took on a wan countenance. "Don't get sick just looking at it!" Lucy chastised lightly when he leaned on her for support.

"Aye!" Happy was back, apparently, and flying towards them carrying a small box. "Here you go, Natsu!" Happy said, dropping the little box in Natsu's hand. Lucy guessed that he'd gone for that when he'd disappeared earlier.

"Thanks, Happy!" Natsu grinned, dropping it into his pocket. Then he looked back at the train. "Can't we walk?"

"No." Erza and Gray answered together.

Natsu turned around with the full intention of walking, but Lucy caught him by his scarf and dragged him aboard. "Lucy~!" He whined. "How could you?"

"Simple." Lucy answered, dragging him into a compartment and throwing him on the bench before leveling him with a glare. "We need the rent money."

Natsu pouted. "Oi, Lucy, that's kinda sadisti—ugh." Natsu broke off when the train lurched forward with a jolt. Immediately, his face drained of color and when Lucy took her seat next to him, he promptly laid down, his face resting in her lap.

Gray sat opposite them and began to zone out, staring at the passing scenery without actually seeing it, thinking of a certain water-woman he was leaving behind. Erza sat next to him and smiled at Lucy. "You guys are just the same as ever." She commented, smiling, her eyes glancing at the love bites Natsu had made on Lucy's neck earlier.

Happy was sitting in Erza's lap now, his paws failing to cover his Cheshire cat grin. "Natsu and Lucy sure are lovey-dovey."

Lucy gave a melodramatic sigh. "I don't even know how I wound up marrying this guy. _Really_." She said.

Erza smiled fondly at Natsu's head in Lucy's lap. "Now _that_ is a funny story. I still remember the day it happened."

"Tell me about it." Lucy prompted her, grinning, eager to hear exactly _what_ had resulted in her and Natsu _eloping_, of all things.

Erza gave her a curious look. "Sorry?"

"I want to hear the story from your point of view. You know me, I _love_ stories and you're such a good story-teller." Lucy made up the excuse on the spot, attempting to appear as if she had nothing but the most innocent of intentions.

Erza was appropriately flattered. "Well…" She began and proceeded to weave the tale like a fantasy romance novel.

"_Where's Natsu and Lucy?" Gray asked Erza one morning. It was a bright, clear day, but the two loudest members of their team were nowhere to be seen in the Fairy Tail guild. It was boring without them. They'd been throwing covert glances at each other for over a year, now, and, if what Mirajane had said was true, Natsu had kissed her when he was drunk a few nights ago. While this was merely the latest occurrence in a long line of…encounters, all of the simmering sexual tension hadn't yet borne fruit. Gray had a few thousand jewels riding on them getting together._

_Erza looked around but spotted no telltale head of pink hair. And if Natsu wasn't there, there was no point looking for Lucy. Now that Gray mentioned it, where had those two gone? "Let's go find them." She suggested, standing._

_However, before she could move any farther, the doors to Fairy Tail burst open and a rather frustrated looking Natsu entered. He wore a dark scowl in addition to his regular outfit, and even Erza was taken aback by his uncommonly bad mood._

_Gray didn't pay it any mind. "Hey, Natsu! Where's Lucy?" He called. What he really meant was 'when the hell are you two going to get together so I can make some goddamn money? My apartment isn't cheap either, you know.'_

_Natsu stomped over to them and collapsed onto the bench of their table, laying his head on the wood tabletop. "She's on a mission. Solo." He explained with a definite pout in his voice._

_Erza, for a moment, thought he might be joking. Then, seeing his clenched fists, decided he wasn't. Her disbelief turned to concern. "What kind of mission?"_

"_She wouldn't tell me." He muttered, his pout increasing ten-fold._

_Levi, who was sitting a little farther down the table, and accompanied by her usual posse of Jet and Droy, giggled._

_Natsu glared at her. "What's so funny?"_

_Levi grinned, unfazed by his glare. "What exactly did she tell you?"_

_Natsu looked confused but decided to explain. "When she woke up this morning, she threw me out of her bed, yelled at me some, told me to leave her alone, and when I asked her why, she said she had something important to do today." He explained, feeling even more pissed off as he relived the memory._

_Levi burst out laughing. "What'd Lucy wear for pajamas last night?" she asked._

_Natsu looked even more confused. "She wore some weird new robe. Silk, I think."_

"_And what'd you tell her you thought about it when she woke up with you in her bed?" Levi asked._

"_I didn't tell her anything. I thought she might have hit me if I told her it wasn't exactly… you know… covering everything up." Natsu said, coughing a little at the end. "What's that have to do with anything? Do you know what mission she's on?"_

"_She's not on the kind of mission you're talking about." Levi said mockingly, pointing a finger at Natsu. "She's on a _date._"_

"_A date?" Natsu repeated, confused. Who would go on a date with that weirdo?_

_Levi nodded. "She met him at the library the other day. He seemed like the kind of guy who'd compliment a girl when she wore sexy pajamas to bed." Levi said, laughing evilly._

_Gray snorted into his hand. "Looks like you blew it, flame-brain."_

_Natsu felt… well, pretty stupid, to sum it up. "What do you mean?"_

"_I mean, she wore this sexy robe just for you and you couldn't even be bothered to show the least bit of interest. So she decided to just rebound with this new guy." Levi shrugged, feeling rather devious this morning. She seriously wanted Lucy and Natsu's relationship to pick up speed. If that happened, Lucy's novel would no doubt get steamy, too._

"_She didn't even know I was going to sleep in her bed last night." Natsu argued._

_Levi held up a finger. "But she hoped you would. Yet you just brushed her sexy attack off. A girl like her doesn't forget something like that. So now she's probably down at the local coffee shop, flirting with someone who is, most importantly, _not you._"_

"And then he took off, straight for the coffee shop." Erza said with a shrug. "Blew the whole place sky high. It's a miracle no one was hurt."

_Erza and Gray caught up with Natsu just in time to see him take hold of Lucy's upper arms in a possessive gesture. The pair was clearly in the throes of an argument as they paid no mind to the flaming remnants of the coffee shop that rained down around them. _

"_WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, NATSU?" Lucy demanded, wanting so bad to slap him across the face but unable to do so due to his grip on her arms._

_Natsu visibly stiffened and Erza noticed a small blush creeping across his face. "YOUR PAJAMAS LAST NIGHT WERE SEXY!" He yelled._

_Lucy froze. "Wh-what? Why are you yelling about that in a public place like this?"_

"_AND I LIKED THE BUNNY COSTUME _AND_ THE MAID OUTFIT!" Natsu confessed loudly. The people who'd come to see the burning building began whispering behind their hands as they grinned or frowned to express distaste._

_Lucy was blushing furiously now, glancing around worriedly at the townspeople gawking at her. "Natsu, shut up!" She hissed, frantic._

_Natsu suddenly embraced her. "I want to be the only one who sees you in those outfits from now on."_

"_What are you talking about, Natsu?" Lucy asked with a nervous giggle. She didn't want to get her hopes up. Not with all of these people here to witness her imminent rejection. "You're talking like you want to be my… boyfriend or something."_

"_No. I don't want to be your boyfriend." Natsu said softly and spun her around as he pointed toward the imposing and impressive silhouette of Caldia Cathedral just down the road. "That. If we do _that_, you'll be mine forever, right?"_

_Lucy's heart skipped a few beats. Her knees turned like jelly. She had to lean against Natsu to support herself. "You mean… elope? Just… run away with each other? Get married?" She whispered, hardly daring to believe in what he was suggesting. He couldn't possibly be serious._

"_I'll always protect you, and compliment your sexy outfits." Natsu vowed._

_Lucy glanced to the side at the unconscious suitor who'd spent all of their date talking to her breasts and then looked back at Natsu, who had spent every mission they'd had being the kind of stand up guy she'd only seen in novels. It wasn't just a hero-complex. It was… Natsu. She turned in his arms so she was facing him and uttered a single word: "Yes," before kissing him full on the lips in front of everyone._

Erza laughed at the memory. "So you two got married at Caldia Cathedral." She summed it up.

"_I do." Natsu vowed but then paused. "Wait… rings. We don't have rings. Do we need rings?" He appealed pathetically to the minister who was currently conducting the sermon with a rather terse look on his face. I mean, really, these kids just run in here, in their indecent street clothes and demand a marriage ceremony? If he didn't need the money so badly, he would have refused them._

"_The church supplies rings too, for occasions such as these." He grinned superficially. Another minister appeared with two wedding bands. Like it or not, the church had been performing a lot of impromptu ceremonies recently to raise revenue. Donations just weren't cutting it, and young lovers would buy anything you waved in front of them long enough. "Will these suffice?" He asked, gesturing to the jewelry._

_Natsu hummed, thinking them over, and picked up what would be Lucy's wedding band. Using his flame he heated it lightly, softening the gold, and then etched the Fairy Tail symbol into it using his thumbnail. "There." He said proudly, then slid it onto Lucy's ring finger._

"_You're just a walking cliché, aren't you?" She asked, looking at the Fairy Tail insignia before switching the ring over to her other hand, since Natsu was dumb enough to put it on her right hand. At least he'd gotten the correct finger…_

"_Well, I now pronounce you husband and wife!" The minister announce with a flourish. "You may now kiss your bride." He informed Natsu._

_Natsu blinked. "Is that _all_ I get to do? I mean, we're married now and all…"_

_Lucy's jaw dropped. "NATSU!" She snapped and slapped him upside the head._

_Natsu laughed. "Just kidding, Luce." He said, and captured her lips in a kiss that made her melt in his arms._

"_Now, for the token picture!" The minister said with false cheer as he fished a camera from his robe pocket._

_Lucy broke the kiss and captured Natsu in a fierce hug, Happy flew into the back ground to hover behind them, and Erza and Gray, who'd ex-quipped into and rented formal wear respectively, raised the sparklers they'd been given in the lobby (Natsu had to light them), and posed as well. The minister snapped the picture. "Well, that's that. You can pick up your official marriage license and the photo tomorrow. That'll be seventy thousand jewels."_

_Lucy's entire countenance instantly drained of color. "The rent… is it too late to get a divorce?"_

_The minister surveyed her critically. "The ceremony's already done. You'll have to pay. Also, a divorce costs extra."_

_Natsu threw an arm around her. "Guess you're stuck with me, huh, Luce?"_

_Lucy looked up at her new husband and seeing his face felt reassured. It was all going to be just fine. "I guess so." She answered, and pulled him in for another kiss._

Lucy sat, frozen, staring at Erza. Erza gave Lucy one of those 'what's-your-problem' looks, and Lucy attempted to quickly collect herself. "And we're absolutely sure I wasn't high that day, right?" Lucy asked. She scarcely dared to believe she'd been so impulsive. Then again, the prospect of marrying Natsu wasn't _completely_ terrible. She did rather enjoy his company. It was just… she didn't realize he was capable of loving someone as more than a friend. She'd never seen him involved in any kind of romantic activity (unless you considered taking naps in her bed romantic, and even then, he appeared to only have the most platonic of intentions).

Natsu moaned in Lucy's lap. "That's mean, Luce." He grumbled. "You know you love me."

Lucy patted his head soothingly, just as she would have in her reality, where they weren't married yet, and decided not to respond to the love comment. As it was, she was feeling very much out of her comfort zone.

Gray watched them with a smirk on his face. "I'm just glad you got married when you did. The guild couldn't take anymore of your sexual frustration."

"SEXUAL FRUSTRATION?" Lucy repeated with an indignant screech.

Erza heaved a long-suffering sigh. "You guys were smitten from day one and it just kept _getting worse._ Had it gone on much longer, we may have locked you two together in a closet until one of you got over your nerves and _confessed_ already."

Lucy felt ill. What was wrong with this reality? She was _not_ smitten with Natsu.

_Whatever helps you sleep at night._ Cana chimed in, clearly unconvinced.

**_Sexual frustration is a very good way to describe it._** Mirajane supplied.

This could not be happening to her. Yet it was. The rest of the train ride went on in silence. When they emerged on an unfamiliar platform, Lucy noticed it had begun to rain and the entire platform was deserted apart from them. No one else had gotten off the train. "Where are we?" She asked, still supporting Natsu, who hadn't yet recovered from the "evil train ride from hell".

"This is where the dark guild Cirque is residing. They've been acting against the council's orders and they've scared all the people out of this town. The client this time is a local business owner who relies on tourism to survive. Our mission is to subdue the guild and make them leave town." Erza stated in her no-nonsense tone of voice.

Lucy gawked. "Subdue… an entire guild?" She repeated.

"Don't worry, Luce. There are only about a hundred of them." Natsu tried to reassure her with a weak smile, attempted to stand on his own, failed, and collapsed back into her for support.

Lucy glared. "That doesn't make me feel any better."

Gray laughed and pulled off his shirt. "Lucy, we took care of last week's mission just fine and there were ten times that amount of enemies." He reminded her.

Erza nodded. "You and Natsu take the east, Gray and I will take the west. Just knock them unconscious until there aren't any left."

"Where should I go?" Happy asked, pointing to himself.

"Go with Natsu." She instructed and the blue cat happily flew after his master, who was already dragging his wife along with him towards the eastern edge of the town at top speed, Lucy kicking and screaming all the way.

"Are you sure those two will be alright?" Gray asked, eyeing Lucy's screaming figure with mild concern.

"They'll be fine." Erza insisted and began walking in the opposite direction of the married couple. "Now come on, we've got work to do."

Gray took off his pants and followed.

Lucy hopped into a puddle, splashing Natsu's sandaled feet. "I don't see anyone." She whined. She wasn't a fan of too much action on missions, but there was seriously _no action_ this time. She was bored _and _soaked. Stupid rain.

"Maybe they're all sleeping." Happy suggested.

"Should we wake them up?" Natsu asked.

Lucy smacked her forehead. Wherever the enemy was, she was sure they weren't sleeping. In fact, Erza had probably destroyed them all by now. "Can't you sniff them out or something?" She asked.

Natsu shrugged. "Not in this rain."

All of a sudden, Lucy heard a soft splash. _That's not the rain_, she thought. An enemy. Her hand reflexively went to her hip and before her mind could catch up with her body, she'd used her whip to subdue the guy she'd heard. Apparently, in this reality, Lucy kicked ass.

**_Good job, Lucy! All those missions must have really paid off for your fighting skills!_** Mirajane cheered.

"Nice job, Lucy!" Happy cheered as the man fell forward, still wrapped in the black chord of Lucy's whip, and smacked his head on the cobblestones.

Natsu, too, was grinning. Lucy blushed. She wasn't used to her fighting skills being praised unless it was in a mocking fashion by somebody who'd heard an outrageous rumor. Like the time they said she took down a Balkan with nothing more than her little finger.

However, her embarrassment was broken when somebody else appeared, chuckling, out of the shadows of an alley. Natsu was on him in a second, but another man was fast approaching up the street. Lucy swiftly summoned Taurus to take him on. More guild member appeared as the Fairy Tail couple fought on, taking down enemy after enemy as if they'd been doing it their whole lives. Lucy noted, with pleasure, that her magic was much stronger and she was able to summon each of her spirits with ease, one after another. After the last of the enemies had been stomped into tiny pieces on the cobblestones, Aquarius, who had drowned a good portion of the dark guild in sadistic pleasure, glared down at Lucy.

"Che." Aquarius snarled. "How'd you manage to get married before me?"

Without waiting for a response, she dematerialized back into the stellar spirit world. Natsu burst out laughing in the wake of her disappearance and gave the reluctant Lucy a high-five. "Mission accomplished." He grinned.

_And just in time, too. You're twelve hours are almost up. You'll be on to your next husband soon._ Cana commented.

_Another one?_

"Yay! Two-million jewels!" Happy cheered.

"Tw-t-two-million?" Lucy gaped.

"One million for each of us!" Natsu told her, smiling and nodding as he collapsed casually on the sidewalk, still smeared with sweat and rain. As good as Lucy had become at fighting, he'd still taken out twice as many opponents as her.

"The rent!" Lucy cheered.

Just then a rumbling sound came from behind her. She noticed, for the first time, that the enemies she and Natsu had been tossing around like ragdolls had become lodged in the walls of buildings all over the town and, just now, said buildings were beginning to give way. With a deafening crash that shook the streets, every structure in town collapsed.

"The rent…" Lucy moaned miserably. She knew beyond all reasonable doubt that this mission's reward money had just vanished.

Natsu turned to her, grinning. "That reminds me! I got you something!" Lucy reluctantly turned to him, unaware and uncaring about anything other than their impending poverty. Natsu, who took no notice of her gloomy disposition, pulled the box Happy had given him that morning from his pocket. He hesitated for a few seconds before awkwardly sinking to one knee and opening the box. Inside lay a beautiful gold engagement ring set with a large diamond surrounded by tiny blue sapphires. "Will you marry me again? For real this time, so Mirajane won't kill us?" Natsu asked.

Lucy nearly passed out.

**_Yes!_** Mirajane cheered.

"You can cosplay as a bride". Natsu added when he saw her hesitate. Surely even Lucy couldn't resist the temptation of cosplay!

A vein in Lucy's temple twitched. "IT'S NOT COSPLAY IF I'M ACTUALLY THE BRIDE!"

_Time to go._ Cana cut in. Lucy was grateful for the interruption–this day had probably taken five years off of her lifespan. Natsu, the demolished town, and the world all fell away as Lucy closed her eyes and prepared to wake up…to a new husband.

-End Chapter-

_A/N: This is probably going to be the longest chapter in the story since it was the first husband chapter. Next time: I'm not going to tell you who! You'll have to wait and see. Keep sending in crack suggestions! Side pairings are always welcome! _

_Love you guys (and gals)._

_Thanks to RoRo for editing._

_REVIEW!_


	3. Mrs Gazille Redfox

_A/N: If you weren't prepared for crack, you shouldn't have come here. Okay, okay, I'M SORRY! I LOVE HIM WITH LEVI TOO! But, I couldn't resist. So, yeah, Gazille._

_As for spelling, yeah, I know it's supposed to be "Gajeel," but it's too late to teach an old dog like me new tricks. Maybe if they'd translated it right from the __beginning__… (angry grumbling)_

_Thanks to RoRo, my beta. How dare you abandon me for a lame-o Georgetown open house? You better do the math homework because I'm going to need to copy that later…_

_Disclaimer: I own all of the muffin buttons. That's right. They're all mine. Not Ghost Nappa's, BUT MINE._

_Soundtrack: The Bitch Song by Bowling for Soup_

**Mrs. Lucy—Wait, WHAT?**

**Chapter 3**

**Mrs. Gazille Redfox**

* * *

_You're a bitch, but I love you anyway,  
Oh, you can't sing, but you still put me to sleep,  
Baby, you're a bitch,  
Hey hey  
Hey hey  
You make me sick, but don't ever go away._

* * *

_So… you and Natsu? Pretty cute together._ Cana said gleefully.

_How long is this going to go on for?_ Lucy asked miserably. She'd promised herself that her heart wouldn't be swayed by a game like this, but already she'd never be able to think of Natsu the same way again. Just remembering the way he felt when he pressed up against her, the searing gazes he threw her way, and the way he could be so very sweet he was when he wasn't teasing her…it was life changing. After all this was over, she was sure she wouldn't be able to look him in the eye for a week.

Lucy felt something beneath her shift. _Oh, great, another husband._ She thought bitterly. This whole situation was truly beyond embarrassing.

_It won't stop until we've gone through all of your potential matches. Which is to say, the entire stack of cards._ Cana explained once more to the stellar spirit mage.

_Oh, no..._

_Hey, stop whining and be grateful. This will really save you a lot of trouble in the future. You get to figure out who would make the best husband without actually having to marry anybody._ Cana sent Lucy a mental glare. Of all the ungrateful brats, Lucy disgusted her the most.

_**So, who are you married to today?**_ Mirajane asked, giggling madly.

_Why are you more excited than me?_ Lucy asked, sweat dropping.

When there was no response, she opened her eyes. She was on a large king-sized bed in a spacious room she'd never seen before. Her own personal style was obvious in her surroundings: half-written novels lay helter-skelter, a basket of folded laundry sat in the corner, and her keys were sprawled on the bedside table. However, her presence was obviously not the dominant force in the room. Male clothing littered the floor; bits of metal were strewn all over the place along with various nails, screws, and a rather large map that was sprouting several impressive daggers. Even more obvious than the blatant signs of male presence in the room was the actual male presence that Lucy herself was laying upon. That's right: _she was on top of him._

A large hand rose and stroked her hair. "Hey, little bunny girl."

_No, way._

_Yes way. Congratulations. At the age of twenty-four, you wed him after dating for two years. You've been married for eleven months now._ Cana explained.

_B-bu-but... Gazille? This can't be happening._

_It's not_. Cana reminded her.

_**Do you have a thing for dragon slayers?**_ Mirajane asked coyly.

"'Morning." Lucy muttered back to her husband miserably.

"What's wrong?" Gazille asked gruffly, instantly upset at her small rejection. Lucy normally didn't act so indifferent to his gentle teasing. She wasn't a morning person, but he knew his wife. There were three things that could cheer her up in any situation: a good book, financial security, and calling her by the pet name he'd given her. It always seemed to rile her up when he called her a little bunny girl. And when he said 'riled up' he meant it in a very good way. Gazille loved Lucy the most when she was affectionate _and _aggressive.

Lucy, for her part, was ignorant of Gazille's musings. "I feel a little sick." She lied vaguely, not bothering to spare her husband-for-the-day a glance. Her mind was about five miles behind her, something that seemed to be happening to her a lot since this little fortune telling session had begun. Suddenly, a disturbing thought popped into Lucy's head. _What about Levi-chan?_ Lucy thought desperately, feeling like a backstabbing bitch and not at all concerned by her husband's current turbulent emotions.

_I guess you stole him. Way to be a hussy._

Feeling miserable, Lucy tuned out her thoughts and looked back down at her husband. Gazille was wearing his typical white sweats and nothing else. His chest was as sculpted as Natsu's but it just seemed... harder. Natsu was, by comparison, much more cuddly. Both men were big and strong, but Gazille was closed, hard, and mysterious, too. Yet, with his arms wrapped around her as his large hand stroked her hair gently, she couldn't help but feel safe.

With a start, Lucy finally realized the implications of her position atop him as her brain finally reunited with her body after what felt like hours of chasing itself around in circles. This morning she was wearing a tight t-shirt and short shorts, as far as pajamas went. Blushing up a storm, she rolled off of Gazille and into a cocoon of blankets on the other side of the bed. Gazille's barking laugh crashed over her. "You're going to have to get up sometime, little bunny girl."

Lucy flinched. Her mind couldn't quite keep up. Her… with Gazille? Isn't he, like, old? "I'm going back to sleep." She muttered.

Gazille rolled his eyes and sat up to look at his wife's back. "Is that code for 'I want sexy time?'" He asked.

What was that, some sick inside joke? "No." She growled.

"Touchy, touchy." Gazille laughed that unearthly laugh of his once more before slipping out of the bed and disappearing from Lucy's view.

_What a morning person, laughing that much. How did this happen to me, anyway?_ She thought miserably.

_**I think he's kind of cute. He obviously cares about you.**_ Mirajane replied cheerily.

_You know, we are talking about the man that once pinned me to a wall and threw daggers at me for a few hours just for the hell of it._ Lucy reminded her bitterly. She hadn't exactly forgotten that. She had no trouble imagining the iron dragon slayer with Levi, who was a much more forgiving and open person than her, but as far as Lucy was concerned, she wasn't ready to forgive Gazille for hurting both her and Fairy Tail.

_You obviously got over it, considering the 'sexy time.'_ Cana said. She was enjoying this too much, in Lucy's opinion.

Lucy huffed, not wanting to dignify that thought with a response. Instead, she sat up and peered about, making sure the coast was clear. _Yup, no Gazille in sight_. Where did he go? After a millisecond of consideration, she decided she didn't know, and she didn't _want_ to know (or, rather, she didn't want to want to know). She was past being openly terrified of the man she was inexplicably married to, but she wasn't comfortable around him and she had yet to feel any warmth for him other than cooing over his adorable flirtations with Levi. Mentally shoving aside the budding couple she'd allegedly ripped apart, Lucy began to warily eye her surroundings, starting with the maps on the wall, as they were currently far less confusing than her future taste in guys.

Obviously Gazille's dagger-throwing days weren't over, if the map was any hint. There were at least two dozen knives scattered across the world map and lodged in the wall. Lines in various colors were drawn between them. Notes were scribbled here and there. Below one knife were the words "Fairy Tail," and below another Lucy could make out the phrase "Black dragon" inscribed with several exclamation marks.

"Black dragon?" Lucy read aloud, wondering what that was about. Of course she knew Gazille had been raised by a dragon, just like Natsu, but she hadn't realized he was still looking for his adopted parent. That must be what the map was about. Was he still looking for Metalicana, after all these years? For a moment, the thought of it seemed endearing, but then she realized there couldn't possibly be anything warm and fuzzy about Gazille. After a moment she shrugged and moved to the window which was shrouded in dark red curtains. She pulled them back to reveal a beautiful view of Magnolia from a neighboring mountain. Was this Gazille's house? Or had they bought it after the wedding?

Either way, Lucy found that she really liked it. The ceilings were high and she was oddly reminded of her childhood home when it had been filled with love: when her mother had still been alive. The bright morning sun burst in through the curtains, momentarily blinding Lucy and taking her back ten years to her mother's arms, where she sat curled up on the window bench and had children's stories read aloud to her. Lucy blinked in surprise and shook the feeling off. She turned her back to the window and saw the room in the light for the first time.

Beneath the scrap metal and laundry, there were papers scattered everywhere. Some had been through Lucy's tired old type writer. A few were crumpled. Most had been written upon in long hand. She was about to pick one up and read it, to see if her skills as a novelist had improved in this reality, but was interrupted when Gazille entered the room again with a glass of orange juice.

"Here you go." He said, holding out the glass to Lucy. He didn't make a move to get any closer to Lucy than necessary. Something was… off about her today. He could sense her discomfort and he didn't want to spook her. He didn't want to relive what it had been like when he'd first asked her out. He had had to plead with her for a solid hour to give him a chance all those years ago. They'd come a long way from then, obviously, but Gazille hated to remember the Lucy from back then—the Lucy that didn't love him. As it was, he still feared she'd wake up one morning and realize Natsu, Loki, or even Gray would have been much better choices. _They_ were leading men, and Gazille couldn't help feeling lucky when he remembered he'd claimed the prize that was Lucy before they could.

Gazille wasn't insecure, exactly, but he recognized when he was at a disadvantage. Lucy hadn't been with Fairy Tail for long before he'd joined, but something about her relationship with Natsu made it seem like she'd been by his side her whole life. Their history was brief, but it was also intimidating. Which was why, when he realized that he wanted to wake up to the cosplay-freak from Fairy Tail everyday from that moment on, he'd been, for the first time in his life, nervous. He had no doubt he could defeat Natsu in absolutely anything, be it a fight or a drinking contest or what have you, but Lucy was an unforeseen variable and even if he could bypass the Salamander, it was her prejudice against him that he had really needed to destroy.

"What for?" Lucy asked, breaking Gazille from his thoughts as she eyed the glass of orange juice in his outstretched hand, with trepidation. _Maybe it's poisoned._ She thought. _Date rape drugs, perhaps, so he can have his way with me._

_**You're already married; he's not going to drug and rape you!**_ Mirajane snapped, not liking the idea of Lucy distrusting her husband, no matter who it was. Mirajane, after all, always gave people the benefit of the doubt, a temperament that Lucy-the-conspiracy-theorist did not share.

_Calm down already, Lucy. You weren't nearly this hesitant with Natsu._ Cana instructed calmly.

_That's different. I'm much more used to Natsu being goofy than to Gazille being all… talking about 'sexy time' and bringing me beverages!_ Lucy cried. This was just too much.

_Lucy, it's going to be OKAY. Calm down. This is just a simulation. You need to remember that._ Cana reminded her, feeling very much like she was talking a suicide risk off of the ledge.

_**Yeah!**_ Mirajane agreed. _**Have faith in yourself, too. You wouldn't have married him if you didn't love and trust him, right?**_

Lucy was calmed by that thought. The cards _had _chosen Gazille, so on some deep, yet-to-be-discovered level; they were allegedly compatible with one another. And Lucy also knew her heart. A few years wouldn't change her beyond recognition. She knew she wouldn't marry for anything but love and she wouldn't love without unconditional trust. The only explanation was that Gazille had undergone some amazing character transformation that had made her fall in love with him and now she was seeing the new Gazille for the first time, or she'd been placed under some sort of love spell (the latter, Lucy knew, was highly unlikely—such spells were nonexistent). He wasn't the same man who'd thrown daggers at her. She had to believe that, or this wasn't going to go anywhere.

She'd been awake for almost ten minutes and other than suggesting 'sexy time,' Gazille hadn't done anything untoward to her. So Lucy promised herself that, for now, she'd go with the flow and for today, she'd play wife to Gazille's 'husband' character. And, she promised herself further, she'd take the same approach with her future husbands. Everybody deserved a chance to worship her amazing sex appeal, right?

"You said you were feeling sick." Gazille answered. "So I got you orange juice to make you feel better. Or is it your stomach? We have ginger ale…"

Lucy blinked in surprise. Gazille wasn't the kind of husband she'd imagined him to be. She'd never thought about it much, but when she had, she'd thought of Gazille being married to Levi and pictured them bickering like cute old people. He'd sometimes get out of line and she'd have to bonk him on the head with a book to put him back in his place and it'd be all cute and romantic and they'd laugh and talk and she'd teach him to be a proper gentleman. This was _not_ that vision.

Sighting, Lucy cast her gaze once more about the room. There were three books on the nightstand on her side of the bed and two on Gazille's. There were four at the end of the kitchen table which she could see through an open door beyond her hulking husband. The rest were aligned in the large bookcases against the wall of their bedroom. None of them showed signs of being used to beat Gazille over the head. And, far from the cute, fluffy, romantic atmosphere she'd always imagined Levi and Gazille would possess, the house she was in now felt lived in, loved, and comfortable. This wasn't a place for awkward teenagers to send each other loaded glances and resolve dramatic turns in their lives or where overzealous lovers came to reproduce like bunnies. This was where two married adults came after a hard day's mission to relax in each other's company and just be in love.

Despite her still lingering dislike for Gazille, Lucy found herself enjoying the set up. Surely this mountain ranch was just what she needed after another exciting, crazy day at the guild. So she took the orange juice. "Thank you." Lucy muttered, never having said those particular words to the iron dragon slayer before. She allowed herself one last cautious sniff of the bright orange liquid before she deemed it safe and took a sip.

Gazille's lips turned up, halfway to a smile, and he leaned forward to his wife to kiss her forehead. Through sheer willpower, Lucy managed not to flinch away. Gazille, however, noticed her awkwardness (they'd been together for three years after all), so he decided not to push her and returned to the kitchen to find some screws to eat. Lucy followed.

The kitchen was homey, painted a bright terracotta color. Everything looked shiny and Lucy wondered briefly how they could afford the place. Then she concluded that Gazille was probably an S-class mage by now and capable of raking in some serious money. Perhaps even her skills had improved to the point where she was a fellow breadwinner. The granite countertops were sparkly clean with more books in one corner and a bowl of fresh fruit placed on top.

Through a different doorway she saw a living room with a large couch, two very comfy looking recliners with books on the arm rests, a coffee table with two more books and a magazine on it, and yet another book case upon which rested a few framed photographs. This was Lucy's ideal world: one filled with books. And, in keeping with her taste, they were all first editions and excellent novels. Considering the stacks, she wondered if Gazille read. She couldn't quite picture the wild man sitting down and relaxing in the company of a good book.

Still curious about the rest of the house, she wandered into the living room while Gazille rummaged through the cabinets for some scrap metal. There were papers scattered on the floor in this room as well, but not nearly as many as in the bedroom and here, the majority were crumpled. Lucy observed the unwrinkled ones and realized with a start that these were not the drafted novels of the bedroom but song lyrics. It was then that she spotted Gazille's old guitar resting in the corner. So he was still writing songs…? The hopeless romantic cliché-loving little girl inside of Lucy squealed with joy. She scooped up a page and began to read. The lyrics were better than she thought they'd be, but she knew Gazille's singing voice wasn't really right for the upbeat melody. Maybe he sold them to famous bands…?

Taking another sip of her orange juice and noting there was still no edge to it that hinted at hidden drugs, she turned to a copy of _Weekly Sorcerer _that lay haphazardly on the seat of one of the recliners. Of the two, that particular chair must belong to her, she concluded. After all, Gazille wouldn't sit in a chair that had a fluffy pink blanket thrown over the back. It could only be hers.

Briefly, an image of Gazille wrapped up in a fluffy pink blanket on the recliner, reading a book and wearing reading glasses flitted through her mind, almost causing her to spit her orange juice out. Cana and Mirajane, however, having no such obstacles to their amusement, laughed to their heart's content. Trying to compose herself, Lucy leaned closer to read the cover of the magazine. The words practically jumped out at her: _Fairy Tail's Calling Card Engaged!_ was printed above a magnificent picture of Mirajane wrapped in the arms of none other than Fried.

Mirajane's laughter caught in her throat. Cana's amusement tripled. She was ruined for the rest of her life: after this, nothing would ever be able to make her laugh so much again. Lucy felt that this was entirely justified, and certainly some form of karmic vengeance.

_Now do you understand why I'm not enjoying this?_ She asked Mirajane.

Mirajane was quiet for a minute or so. _**At least Fried never tied me to a wall and practiced his knife-throwing skills on me.**_ She countered.

_Touché…_

_**Besides, Fried's a good guy. I'm sure we'll make a lovely couple. **_Mirajane mused, neglecting to mention that she and Fried were already a tentative item in their own reality. Cana and Lucy didn't need to know that yet. If word got around… well, she didn't exactly want Elfman to bite another one of her boyfriends… Rabies tended to put a wrench in her relationships.

Lucy actually smacked her forehead. She didn't understand how Mirajane could be so nonchalant when she herself should have been prepared by the hundreds of romance novels she'd read…yet she couldn't even make it through a kiss on the forehead without freaking out.

_It's because you're a prude._

_Shut up!_

Lucy was preparing to launch into a verbal tirade against the older girl in her head when a door down a hall from the living room opened. At first, Lucy did not see anything but then she glanced down and saw that the little cat Pantherlily was exiting the room. He looked grumpy, as if he was clearly _not_ a morning person. Without looking at Lucy, he walked across the hall, opened another door, and disappeared inside. Lucy guessed it was a bathroom.

A chair scrapped across ceramic tiles in the kitchen causing Lucy to start a little in surprise. She still wasn't used to the sounds of this unfamiliar house. She turned around and peered through the kitchen doorway at Gazille's back as he aggressively devoured his Knuts & Bolts cereal. He was still shirtless and his muscled rippled with movement beneath his tan skin. Lucy hands itched to explore that skin and see if it was really as smooth as it looked, or as callous as Gazille's personality.

_Argh! Bad Lucy!_ She chided herself in her head, frustrated. A guy like Gazille, who she had feelings neither here nor there for, should _not_ affect her like this. Even for simple lust, these musings were too much.

_**You're only thinking like that because he already loves you and is treating you as if you love him too. Naturally, you're reacting as if you **_**do**_** belong in this reality, right?**_ Mirajane reasoned.

Lucy thought about it and decided that was a good enough reason for her. She decided she might as well continue her inspection of the living room. She abruptly turned on her heel to face Gazille's recliner that sat beside her own. His looked much more squashy and abused than hers, as if he'd had it longer or spent more time in it. On the left arm rest teetered two precariously balanced books stacked atop one another. The uppermost book had a picture of a dark forest on it. At the top was the title, _Precipice_, and at the bottom was the author's name: Lucy Redfox.

It took Lucy three solid minutes of staring to realize that in this reality, that was _her_ name.

_I WROTE A BOOK?_

Lucy could hardly contain her shock and excitement. She was a novelist! She was published! Overjoyed, she scooped up the book and turned it over to read the back cover. It was filled with raving reviews, claimed readers would be glued to their seats until they'd finished, that Lucy Reifox had done it again, that they'd laugh and cry and sooner pee their pants than put the book down for a bathroom break; a suspenseful thriller for the ages; a life-changing novel; readers will be begging for more; inspirational and terrifying.

_Sounds like you're pretty good. I didn't know you wrote novels._

_I'm still just learning. I guess I've got the hang of it in this reality._

_**Congratulations on getting published, Lucy!**_ Mirajane squealed, already having known about Lucy's dream of being an author from her almost incoherent blathering at the bar on nights she had writers block and had one too many drinks that didn't suit such a high-class girl.

_Thank you, Mira._ Lucy couldn't stop the grin from spreading across her face. She was ecstatic. Nothing could bring her down.

"What're you doing?" Gazille asked gruffly, leaning over his wife's back, wrapping his arms around her slim waist from behind, his oversized front pressing against her slim back intimately.

Before Lucy could answer, Pantherlily exited the bathroom. He glanced down the hall into the living room, spotted Gazille and Lucy getting lovey-dovey, rolled his eyes, and disappeared back into his bedroom. Lucy wished she could call out to him and demand that he get his furry butt in here and save her from wedded bliss. However, she couldn't. She figured it might tip her husband off to the fact that she wasn't actually his wife. That could be bad. He was, after all, quite dangerous when he wanted to be, and Lucy didn't really want to relive the dagger throwing fun from her first encounter with Gazille.

"Reading my reviews," Lucy answered normally, even managing to sound quite cheeky in the process. Even with six feet of dragon slayer behind her, her head was too inflated from positive feedback to be truly terrified.

Gazille smirked. He removed one of his arms from around his wife to snatch the book from her hand. When Lucy moved to grab it back, his other hand grabbed her wrist. He then proceeded to turn her and himself around and sit down in his recliner, pulling Lucy into his lap. Suddenly, Lucy realized that this was a regular occurrence and that was why Gazille's chair was the more battered: it normally sat two people. "I should have known. Don't get such a big head about it; you've still got a lot of room for improvement." He said.

Lucy was about to struggle to escape his lap but she was stopped by his words. She leaned towards her husband eagerly, curious to learn more. "Which parts?" She asked. "What are your critiques?"

Gazille smiled. Finally. This was the Lucy he knew: always eager to learn, filled with her literary fighting spirit. The concentrated look on her face always seemed to stir something in him. He flipped the book open and began to point out what he thought could be approved upon. Lucy eagerly devoured his advice despite her slight confusion (she had no idea what the book was actually about—it seemed to be an adventure suspense thriller horror novel with a ten percent chance of romance in about three different directions. Lucy was awed into silence by her future prowess. She could not _wait_ to grow up).

_I am such a cool adult._

_Keep telling yourself that._

Gazille went on and on, critiquing and also reading aloud his favorite bits. Lucy, who'd moved to a precarious position half in his lap and half on the arm rest, grew tired of the arrangement after so long and surrendered herself to her husband's lap. Wordlessly, Gazille wrapped an arm around her waist and Lucy, finding it hard to resist and reasoning that this opportunity would never present itself again, began to trace the muscles there.

Lucy would occasionally grab the book out of his hands to read silently to herself, trying to memorize the words on the page so she could recreate them when this was all over. The third time she did this, she became so engrossed in the novel that only Gazille's lips at the nape of her neck could startle her out of the gripping plot points. She practically jumped out of her skin and only Gazille's arm, still wrapped around her, actually kept her from leaping clean out of her seat. The goose bumps blooming across her skin and the little hairs at the back of her neck standing up were not lost on Gazille. He pressed his nose into her neck and decided he had nothing to lose in telling her something he normally didn't like to say but felt like she might have forgotten today: "I love you, little bunny girl."

_**Aw, that's so sweet!**_

_I don't get what's sweet about it._

_**Well, think about it. Is Gazille the kind of guy who goes around professing his love?**_

_Err… I don't know._

_**Well, he's not. Yet, here he is. And why? Because he wants Lucy to relax.**_

Lucy tried to breath but it was difficult in the lap of the imposing mage. Her voice shaking, she tried to say what she thought she should, had this actually been her husband. "I know. I'm just a little out of sorts today."

She moved to get up, out of the position that had gone from comfortable to awkward in the past five seconds. Instantly, Gazille's arm that was still wrapped around her tightened, preventing her from leaving him without his say so. Gazille was not one for blind faith, unlike the sentimental "fairies" he was now aligned with, and Lucy, whom he trusted more than anyone, was acting suspicious today. He pulled her closed to him, he lips hovering at her ear. "Don't leave me, okay?" He whispered.

_**Awwww!**_

_What a dork._

Lucy closed her eyes and took a deep breath, leaning into her husband to give him some comfort. "I wouldn't dream of it."

They stayed like that for a long time, Lucy's heart hammering out a steady drum beat the whole time, until her stomach growled violently and they retired to the kitchen for some much needed sustenance. It was, by this point, already one in the afternoon and Lucy was famished. She decided to have toast. Gazille ate the toaster. Just as they were finishing their meal, Lucy decided it was her now or never chance to ask Gazille something that had been bugging her all day. "Whatever happened to you and Levi-chan?"

Gazille chewed on Lucy's butter knife as he thought over his answer, looking right into her eyes. "Why are you bringing that old story up again? We've been over this before. Levi is like Pantherlily: fun to play with, not to eat." His face broke into a devilish grin.

Lucy balked at the innuendo.

_**Er… Lucy, don't take this the wrong way but your husband is a bit… crude.**_

_Hahahahaha!_

"LUCY!" A loud and extremely recognizable voice rang throughout the house. Lucy immediately turned towards the kitchen's window and, sure enough, Natsu was climbing through it.

Gazille growled under his breath. Natsu didn't even glance at him. The bubble around Lucy and Gazille instantly burst and the romantic atmosphere dissipated.

"Lucy! Come _on!_ You're late and Erza is going to kill us if we're not back at the guild in five minutes." Natsu cried.

Lucy paused for a few moments simply to gaze upon the glory that was a twenty-four year old version of Natsu. He'd grown into a heartthrob. He was chiseled instead of just muscled now. His face was more weathered, as if it had seen many missions, and the look perpetuated his current mature appearance. His outfit was the same as what he wore in her reality, but it just looked… better, somehow. She suddenly regretted being so sheepish during the day she'd been married to him. She felt an almost primitive desire to once again explore the possibility of being married to the fire dragon slayer.

_Damn._ Cana thought. She had to agree. Natsu had grown well. _If you don't want him, Lucy, I wouldn't mind taking him off your hands._

_**Cana!**_ Mirajane chastised. _**Have some shame! You don't even like Natsu, you just like his body!**_

_Well, have you_ seen_ it?_ Cana asked, once again appraising the Salamander through Lucy's eyes. She would have never believed such a transformation possible had she not seen it herself. Natsu wasn't her type in any way, but she knew a nice body when she saw one.

"Did you forget we have a mission today, Lucy?" Happy asked, flying through the window and landing on the kitchen table while Natsu went into her and Gazille's bedroom without permission and began rifling around.

"Don't just break into other people's houses, you bastard!" Gazille yelled, storming after Natsu into the bedroom.

"Whatever." Natsu grunted and continued rifling around.

"What are you even looking for, dumbass?" Gazille asked, smacking the pink haired idiot on the back of his head.

Without looking, Natsu punched Gazille in the face, causing the iron dragon slayer to stumble backwards. "For Lucy's keys, obviously. We have to leave."

Gazille merely wiped his chin and then kicked Natsu in the stomach, sending him flying into the bureau, causing the items on top of it to tumble onto his head, including Lucy's ring of keys. Natsu picked them off of his head and grinned. "Found them! Thanks, Gazille!"

Gazille smacked himself in the forehead and returned to the kitchen. Natsu calmly strolled out after him. "Here you go, Luce!" Natsu said, tossing the keys at Lucy. Lucy caught them and noticed there were quite a few more than she had in her reality. How many gold keys was that? Eight… nine… ten… she had all twelve!

_Yes! Woohoo!_

"I told you not to call her that!" Gazille roared, swinging again at Natsu who ducked this time.

Natsu stuck out his tongue. "Back off." He then refocused his green-eyed gaze on Lucy, grabbed her hand, and hoisted her out of her chair. "Let's go, Luce. We don't want to piss off Erza again, right?" He asked, grinning cheekily.

He then began to pull her along, out the kitchen window. "Can't you at least use the door, Natsu?" Lucy asked, exasperated, and proceeded to follow him until Gazille caught her by her other wrist.

She turned to look at him as Natsu paused to see what the holdup was. "Be careful, Lucy." Gazille said, and pulled her into him. Lucy knew what was going to happen before it actually did, but that still didn't prepare her. Gazille's lips on her own felt strange. They were powerful and unyielding as they attacked her mouth. She didn't have time to close her eyes and as Gazille made a show of kissing her and she noticed his eyes were open as well, glaring over her shoulder at Natsu.

When Gazille finally released her and she turned around to face Natsu again, Natsu's face had turned to stone. Happy looked just as confused as Lucy was by the sudden change. She decided she didn't want to know. Her conspiracy theories were leading her mind down a dangerous path it didn't want to go down. There was no _way_ Gazille had just kissed her as a show of dominance and even if he had, there was no way in hell Natsu was _jealous_. It couldn't be.

Maybe Lucy could accept the fact that, maybe, just maybe, she and Natsu were sort of compatible, but in this reality, where she was someone else's _wife_, it was impossible to think he was interested in her. They weren't _that_ compatible.

_You two were definitely meant to be together._

_**Lucy, I had no idea you were so popular!**_

_I'm getting ahead of myself. This isn't a romance novel; something like that would never happen. I'm just making things up on my own._ Lucy reasoned as she climbed out the window, waved one last time at her husband, and followed Natsu and Happy to Fairy Tail.

The guild, Lucy noticed when they arrived, had been rebuilt once again. She could only assume it had probably been destroyed in yet another epic battle. There was also some commotion inside; Lucy could hear the yelling from a block away. Outside of the guild stood a rather grumpy looking Erza and, surprisingly, she did not have her usual wagon load of luggage.

"Erza! What's going on?" Lucy called out to the redhead.

"Change of plans." Erza said, looking like there was no crime more vile than interrupting her schedule. "Our mission has been cancelled. We're needed here at the guild today."

"What for?" Natsu whined.

Erza didn't need to answer because, an instant later, Mirajane burst through the guild doors in a white strapless wedding gown. "Lucy! Thank god you're here! I need you!"

_**Is this my wedding? Yay!**_

_I wonder how long you and Fried have been dating for?_

"Err… What?" Lucy hardly had time to ask before Mirajane had seized her hands and pulled her into the guild.

The tables were gone and the benches had been lined up like pews. The whole place was packed with raucous Fairy Tail mages, drinking and chatting and fighting. Lucy wasn't quite sure, but as they passed the bathrooms on the way to the bar Mirajane was dragging her to, she could have sworn she saw Luxus giving Fried a pep talk. Both of them were wearing tuxedos.

_Luxus is back?_

_He's probably the new guild master._

_But the master kicked him out!_

_Well, it's been a long time since that happened in this reality. The master is a big fan of forgive and forget._

Cana was at the bar wearing a champagne colored gown and drinking beer straight from the barrel.

_Mmmm… beer…._

Without a word, Mirajane ducked under the bar, still dragging Lucy behind her and entered into a back room that was a great improvement on the one in Lucy's reality. "Here, put this on, you're a bridesmaid." Mirajane said, frantically shoving a dress that matched Cana's into Lucy's arms.

"You're telling me this _now?" _Lucy asked, not sure if she was supposed to be surprised or not.

"Well, when I woke up this morning, I realized that I just wanted to be married to Fried already, so screw planning. You and Gazille were only engaged for a week before you guys got married so why not me? I'm tired of being a fiancée. I just want to be a bride!" Mirajane said this all very fast and Lucy couldn't tell if she was excited or had just had twenty cups of coffee for breakfast.

"Err… well, okay then. You look great, by the way." Lucy said, beginning to strip off the pajamas Natsu hadn't given her a chance to change out of and pull on the dress.

"Thanks!" Mirajane said, practically leaping for joy. Granted, it wasn't much of a leap due to the shoes she was wearing, but seeing as she wasn't sure if the stiletto heels would break or not…

As soon as Lucy was done changing, she was shoved back out into the open guild and made to walk down the aisle with Luxus. They followed after Lisanna with Elfman, and Cana with Bixlow. Erza, who'd ex-quipped into the bridesmaid dress, walked last with Gray who'd somehow made it into Fried's circle of friends. At the front, Lucy noticed Cana had stashed a beer bottle in her bouquet and kept sneaking drinks from it without any regard for discretion.

Fried kept fidgeting while they waited for Mirajane. Lucy couldn't blame him. He was about to marry Mirajane. If he screwed this up, he'd be dead in a minute. After all, Mirajane was a fan favorite in both the guild and the world at large. And, even if he didn't mess up their marriage, he still was about to be married to the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen.

As Lucy waited for the music that would announce Mirajane's entrance, she scanned the crowd. A rather grumpy Gazille was sitting in the back, his wild mane of hair easy to spot in the sea of people. Beside him was stood an ecstatic Juvia who appeared to be the one who'd dragged him to the wedding. Gazille was brooding about his predicament while Juvia completely ignored him in favor of watching her lovely Gray-sama who was standing at the front with the other groomsmen and currently taking off his dress shirt. Luxus noticed the stripping and swiftly electrocuted the ice mage for his insolence before hissing in his ear that he better put his clothes back on right that instant or so help him god he would take him out back and beat him to a bloody pulp for ruining his best friend's wedding day with his strange habits.

Needless to say, Gray's face drained of color as he hastily pulled his clothes back on. Satisfied, Luxus turned away. That turned out to be a mistake because a minute later, Gray was naked aside from his boxers once again. Lucy stifled a giggle and looked back out at the guild. Natsu's pink hair immediately jumped out at her in the crowd. Beside him was Happy. The two of them kept ducking their heads down to sneak bites of contraband food greedily. Despite their sneakiness, it was obvious to everybody present that it was Natsu eating because the chicken leg he was currently devouring was on fire.

Next to Happy sat a grown up Wendy with Charle in her lap. Charle kept looking at Happy in disgust. Wendy was indifferent to their behavior as she waited patiently for Mirajane's entrance.

Watching Natsu, Lucy was suddenly reminded of the strange kiss she'd shared with Gazille earlier. Had Natsu really been… _jealous_ of Gazille? It was almost unthinkable at first, but the heartbroken look in his eyes when she'd broken away from her husband and turned to face him after the kiss aggravated her to no end. She hated to see Natsu, her nakama and best friend, in any kind of pain. For some reason, despite the fact that he wasn't in any actual physical pain at that time, he had still looked like the wind had been knocked out of him. He liked her. There was no other explanation. He liked her and he wanted her and even though he knew she was somebody else's wife, forever unattainable and out of his reach, he still loved her.

And Gazille knew it, too. Lucy was probably the only one in the dark about it until now. Natsu had called her "Luce" and in retaliation Gazille blatantly made out with her in front of him. She was caught in the middle of some male pissing contest for her heart. She doubted either cared that she'd already made her choice and married Gazille, whether she was aware of other options or not. So long as Natsu was interested, Gazille would fight him by displaying his dominance over her. To Lucy it all seemed dirty and wrong and downright disgusting. Natsu should recognize that she was happily married (she thought she was, anyway), and Gazille should be a little more sensitive to Natsu's feelings and end this once and for all by telling him to buzz off because Lucy was _his_ woman (Lucy wasn't interested in either romantically, but if she happened to be in the future, she wanted it to be a drama-free relationship).

Finally, the wedding music began to play and as Mirajane stepped out wearing that gorgeous gown and carrying a lovely bouquet with the little old guild master happily hanging from her arm, Lucy succumbed to tears of joy. Mirajane had never looked happier than she did in that moment. Her radiance was blinding as she actually glowed.

_Why are you crying?_

_They're just so beautiful! Their love is just so pure! _Lucy bawled with a huge sob.

_**Thank you! **_Mirajane was happy Lucy was being so supportive.

The corporeal Mirajane cried silent tears as she stood across from Fried, who also shed a few tears. Lisanna was sobbing. Several male admirers in the crowd cried to their hearts content. And yet, all the crying people combined couldn't hold a candle to Elfman who was loudly bawling beside the happy couple as he occasionally beat Fried on the back while insisting through his tears him that a real man shouldn't cry.

After the ceremony, the benches were cleared away and the reception began. Lucy lost herself in the commotion. She danced with everybody that asked. She danced with Luxus, with Gray, with Natsu, with Bixlow and Makarov and Jet and Elfman and, finally, she found Gazille in the crowd and they met on the dance floor.

"That was kind of a dick move with Natsu this morning!" Lucy yelled to be heard over the music at her husband, having accepted by now that he had only kissed her to get a rise out of Natsu.

Gazille smirked and leaned in to kiss her briefly on the lips. "What can I say? I'm territorial." He growled back and Lucy could tell he'd had a few celebratory drinks with the rest of the guild.

Lucy raised an eyebrow but was caught off guard when he put one of his hands on her waist and placed the other in hers and began to twirl her around the dance floor. He was a surprisingly good dancer. As she watched his steps, she realized where she'd seen them before: from her dance instructor when she'd learned ballroom dancing as a little girl. She must have taught him.

_I guess he's not so bad._ Lucy amended.

_**Fried and I look pretty good together…**_

_You're twelve hours are up, so we're off._

Lucy sighed. Gazille eyed her curiously. Lucy smiled at his confused expression. She leaned into him and gave him a chaste kiss goodbye, her silent thank you for a shockingly enjoyable day, before she fell into a new bed with a new husband.

-End Chapter-

_A/N: So, you all thought it was going to be Gray, huh? Sorry, even though Natsu was first, this is not going to be going in order of canon-ness. Next chapter is already planned out so the update shouldn't take so long. Have a good day everybody. For news on when it will be updated, and the growing list of furute husbands, check out my profile._

_Pretty please review._


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